Object Writing, Prose & Poetry Forum

May 26, 2019, 05:24:40 PM
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This week's words;

Sunday - Instructions

Monday- Motorcycle

Tuesday- Wildflower

Wednesday- Asparagus

Thursday- Stopwatch

Friday - Confetti

Saturday-Homesick



Word of the Day
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Author Topic: Gas  (Read 67 times)
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marksy
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Gas
« on: May 18, 2019, 01:22:18 AM »

Trickling and wafting, somehow a toxic convulsive scent is a morish smell, shocking my system like an electrical current surging through my face, eyes squeezing tight and wet into crinkles and crows feet, throwing my head backwards, heavy, in an effort to clear out my sinus, vertebrae in my neck twisting, feeling like a tight stiff ball and socket joint with sand caught between, crushing and grinding in a dull echo, like a mortar and pestle grinding salt. Frustration forcing my chest outward and sharply with a dull ache, a sudden surge of heat overwhelms my body, prickles and tingles jabbing in random succession, vacillating between areas of my skin and body. Drying my throat, tasting the thick dew of gas, throat widening. Air hazy and blurry where the gas wafts and drags, like someone has smudged the image in my vision, like an impressionist painting. Hissing and sighing, like the canister has inexhaustible lungs, warning to keep at bay, at distance from itself…
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Eloisenm
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« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2019, 10:45:14 AM »

I really loved all the descriptive terms you used in this but I was having trouble taking in the story because of the sentence lengths. When I've got the timer on it's hard to recognise when I'm making a never-ending sentence, I get so caught up on the description of the moment. Usually it's on second glance that I realise what I've done which I expect has happened here too!
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ChrisSoncrant
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« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2019, 04:06:12 AM »

Thick with sense bound descriptions. Bravo.

Seeing Eloisenm's comment about having a hard time following the story highlights the tendency on this site to create story lines, which is simply not the point of object writing. It's about letting loose, letting our senses do the driving, getting everything else out of the way (grammar, sentence structure, etc.). Pat even says this. It takes courage to step outside structure and I feel you demonstrated this courage here. Not that this is all that hard to follow.

Eloisenm, I want to see your never-ending sentences. Your writing is fantastic too. I desire to see where your senses would take you if you release the need to wrangle them up within a story. I get chills at the thought. Don't even give it a second glance.

For that matter I'd like to see my own.

10 minute story writing is a different practice. Mixing the two together results in luke-warm development in both areas.

I'll get off my dilapidated, low rent, cockroach laden soap box now. : )
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Eloisenm
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« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2019, 03:04:05 AM »

ChrisSoncrant: You're totally right. I have forgotten the purpose of the exercise to explore language but adore how it creates a vast array of responses in different styles and themes. Personally I would like to focus on using language to create an underlying theme of stability/instability. I don't necessarily think I've tackled that language yet.

I should probably go a read over that Object Writing chapter again. I just draw more joy from getting lost in the story but I do need to expand my language quite a bit.
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