Object Writing, Prose & Poetry Forum

August 18, 2019, 09:03:38 AM
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This week's words;

Sunday - Instructions

Monday- Motorcycle

Tuesday- Wildflower

Wednesday- Asparagus

Thursday- Stopwatch

Friday - Confetti

Saturday-Homesick



Word of the Day
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Author Topic: Gas  (Read 246 times)
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marksy
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Gas
« on: May 18, 2019, 01:22:18 AM »

Trickling and wafting, somehow a toxic convulsive scent is a morish smell, shocking my system like an electrical current surging through my face, eyes squeezing tight and wet into crinkles and crows feet, throwing my head backwards, heavy, in an effort to clear out my sinus, vertebrae in my neck twisting, feeling like a tight stiff ball and socket joint with sand caught between, crushing and grinding in a dull echo, like a mortar and pestle grinding salt. Frustration forcing my chest outward and sharply with a dull ache, a sudden surge of heat overwhelms my body, prickles and tingles jabbing in random succession, vacillating between areas of my skin and body. Drying my throat, tasting the thick dew of gas, throat widening. Air hazy and blurry where the gas wafts and drags, like someone has smudged the image in my vision, like an impressionist painting. Hissing and sighing, like the canister has inexhaustible lungs, warning to keep at bay, at distance from itself…
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Eloisenm
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« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2019, 10:45:14 AM »

I really loved all the descriptive terms you used in this but I was having trouble taking in the story because of the sentence lengths. When I've got the timer on it's hard to recognise when I'm making a never-ending sentence, I get so caught up on the description of the moment. Usually it's on second glance that I realise what I've done which I expect has happened here too!
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ChrisSoncrant
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« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2019, 04:06:12 AM »

Thick with sense bound descriptions. Bravo.

Seeing Eloisenm's comment about having a hard time following the story highlights the tendency on this site to create story lines, which is simply not the point of object writing. It's about letting loose, letting our senses do the driving, getting everything else out of the way (grammar, sentence structure, etc.). Pat even says this. It takes courage to step outside structure and I feel you demonstrated this courage here. Not that this is all that hard to follow.

Eloisenm, I want to see your never-ending sentences. Your writing is fantastic too. I desire to see where your senses would take you if you release the need to wrangle them up within a story. I get chills at the thought. Don't even give it a second glance.

For that matter I'd like to see my own.

10 minute story writing is a different practice. Mixing the two together results in luke-warm development in both areas.

I'll get off my dilapidated, low rent, cockroach laden soap box now. : )
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Eloisenm
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« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2019, 03:04:05 AM »

ChrisSoncrant: You're totally right. I have forgotten the purpose of the exercise to explore language but adore how it creates a vast array of responses in different styles and themes. Personally I would like to focus on using language to create an underlying theme of stability/instability. I don't necessarily think I've tackled that language yet.

I should probably go a read over that Object Writing chapter again. I just draw more joy from getting lost in the story but I do need to expand my language quite a bit.
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marksy
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« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2019, 11:48:05 PM »

So sorry for the late replies. I seem to have lost track of replies on my post the last couple of weeks!

@Eloisenm - Thank you for you comment. My goal with the object writing exercises isn't to exclusively write logical sentences with proper syntax. I've fully embraced Pat's process in object writing - that is, to write completely freely, as long as I am using sense-bound language as much as I can. Of course, there may be other ways people enjoy or explore object writing, but for the moment I'm guided by Pat's tutelage, which is to not be restricted by Syntax, or even by other peoples ability to understand what I'm writing. If you read (or re-read) his chapter on object writing in his flagship book, you'll get an understanding of what I'm talking about. He discusses how, the greater the leaps and jumps between sense-bound ideas, the better (basically, as I understand it), and encourages us to start-writing with less structure as we may find the linear story approach cumbersome and boring (eventually). This is a discussion I've brought up previously on the forum - there's a culture to stick to linear narrative here. It's a great approach of course, but I think it would become a far more interesting approach for all of us to embrace Pat's ideas, and assist each other in doing that.

@ChrisSoncrant - Thank you! The thicker the better! Thank you for your thoughts on the approach to object writing as well. I couldn't agree more. I actually find it a much more enjoyable and smoother process to let the senses guide the movement of the writing - and if that develops some sort of linear story line... great! If not, then it's an interesting exploration of the senses.

Looking forward to more of these discussions as I believe this helps all of us grow as writers:) Thanks for being such great contributors on here Chris and Eloise:)

Sam
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John M
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« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2019, 02:38:37 AM »

hi y'all,
 
everyone makes a good point here. i felt the need to chime in.

while this exercise has almost no rules, that's not to say that whatever rules/techniques you've already learned about effective writing and storytelling should be thrown out the window. this exercise can definitely sharpen your ability to write vividly, but overly vivid writing can be distracting and hard to relate to--which is where I think eloisenm is coming from. marksy, there's no doubt you are doing the exercise perfectly here--as pat would have it.

now, i can only speak for myself, but unless i am journaling (and im the only audience to be considered), i write assuming theres an audience out there to read or listen. whether youre storytelling, writing poetry, or songwriting, plot and audience should always be considered. the basic questions of who, when and where should be addressed. otherwise, it's just nonsense on paper--which can be cool and fun, but sort of useless at the same time.

i'd say that everything you know about storytelling and wordplay should be considered in any writing exercise you do. an exercise like this obviously puts the emphasis on sense-bound stuff--and that should come first, but if you got that part down, it's time to mix the other elements into to the pot. it's time to start writing with purpose.

when i first started object writing, it was all random phrases and words, and i was thrilled with that because i was at least saying 'something.' object-writing helped me to stay focused at a time in my writing where i was completely directionless. as i did more of it, the storyteller in my head started speaking up--and stories started to emerge out of nothing. That was THE magic moment for me--and after reading all of Pat's books on lyric writing, I truly believe that was his intent for us with an exercise like this. to bring out the vivid story-teller--the RELATABLE storyteller. object writing is a crucial piece to this, but it's certainly not the end-all be-all. as in, the skill of sense-bound writing means nothing if it can't be applied effectively. again, this exercise doesn't require it to make sense--but that doesn't mean you shouldn't strive for it to.

i would recommend to anyone who feels like they've got the sense-bound stuff under control, to start applying it to whichever writing-form they want to get better at--whether that be lyrics, poems, short-story, blogging ect.. this is THE FORUM to share it and get feedback.

good stuff,

john
« Last Edit: June 04, 2019, 03:15:04 AM by John M » Logged
Fletcher
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« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2019, 02:20:36 PM »

Thank you all for starting this up!  I believe feedback is the key element missing in this forum.  Certainly constructive criticism is the only form of feedback.  I like to read all the posts, they are all in some way inspiring and sometimes I chime in with a reply of where I might have taken a thought(Eloisenm knows this about me).  In Pat's book, the object writing groups he discusses did just that.  Each wrote their piece and then each piece was discussed with the group.  I enjoy all the writing and vocabulary because selfishly it helps me grow and improve.  I certainly would like to see some of the works be a bit more linear, and some of the works need to be a bit more sense driven(certainly mine).  Anyway, Here's hoping for more feedback from all the participants!
Cheers
Fletch
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