Object Writing, Prose & Poetry Forum

ObjectWriting => Object Writing Word Of The Day => Topic started by: berkley84 on August 21, 2018, 12:42:22 PM



Title: Detail
Post by: berkley84 on August 21, 2018, 12:42:22 PM
   Looking through her words, all I could see was what wasn’t there. “You need to include more detail,” I wrote in the margins, knowing that this is a sort of vague sentiment, but not really having the time to be more specific. The rain pounded on the pavement outside and the clouds made the sky a dark gray on the verge of total blackness. I felt comfortable in my sweater on my fancy office chair. Tired though, to the point of exhaustion. A stack of journals stood lopsided and intimidating on my desk. Rubbing my eyes, I picked up the next one. Mostly incomplete sentences, again with almost no detail at all. What am I doing wrong, I wondered? I heard thunder and decided to leave.
   Putting my coat on, I looked around at the mostly blank walls of my classroom. What’s here to inspire detailed writing? Very little: A bulletin board with an onomatopoeia background, an Abbey Road poster, some anti-bullying propaganda, and one tall thin bookshelf. “I need more books,” I thought out loud. Then I started seeing things. Words started dripping from that shelf like a leaky faucet. There grew a puddle of words, sentences beautifully crafted with a wisdom and wit that made me crack a smile. These paragraphs floated up to my ankles, so I stood on a chair, then a desk as the words continued to pour out. I put my hand into the words and scooped out a passage by Louis Sachar. I was thirsty, so I took a sip. What a wonderful taste! What a powerful drink it was!
   The vision ended, and I took my coat off.  I sat back down at my desk and looked back at one of the journals I had already graded. Certainly, the sentences were incomplete, and the detail was lacking. But now I looked for the passion in the words and found something more than I could have imagined.


Title: Re: Detail
Post by: FunkySea on August 22, 2018, 06:25:39 AM
Very nice!