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Author Topic: Spot the seven errors  (Read 271 times)
benjamin
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« on: December 05, 2016, 09:29:31 AM »

Hi,

I was working on this subject/song some time ago, I couldn't figure it out an left it behind. This weekend I picked it up again and wanted to finish it. The chorus and bridge triggered me the whole time, but the verses were a pain. I'm still not really happy with it, but I'm not sure what lacks the lyric. Is it too less sense writing? Predictable rhymes? The syntax? Is the lyric clear?
Can you spot the errors in this lyric?
Would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance,

Benjamin.


I set myself in the limelight            [Verse 1]
crooning only for you tonight
My body is exposed
to us together alone
My chances are growing strong
Well that seemed to be a second ago


Don't forget about me               [Chorus]
Will I ever be part of us three
Don't forget about me
Will I ever be part of the family


As we went to bed               [Verse 2]
No words might've been said
And I thought there's a spark
some light in my heart
You took the blanket, rolled over
The line was set, don't even come closer


Don't forget about me               [Chorus]
Will I ever be part of us three
Don't forget about me
Will I ever be part of the family


When the morning starts in a daze         [Verse3]
coffee comes in place
But the sun don't keep the drink warm
If we don't speak there will be sworn
And you claim I'm jealous since
The dog always get the first kiss

[CHORUS]

Don't come knocking on my door         [Bridge]
When I'm busy writing songs
Don't be surprised I'm pissed off
And I'm happy with the couch
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