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November 19, 2019, 06:17:13 AM
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This week's words;

Sunday - Instructions

Monday- Motorcycle

Tuesday- Wildflower

Wednesday- Asparagus

Thursday- Stopwatch

Friday - Confetti

Saturday-Homesick



Word of the Day
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Eloisenm
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« on: March 22, 2019, 06:00:30 AM »

My arms and legs were slack and tense at the same time tingling with a giddy excitement. Dressed in what my mum calls 'smart casual' which in reality was a mint green top and denim skirt that I was almost never allowed to wear. I felt refined, something I've read in old books that I'm sure I don't understand properly. We were walking up to the local school fete from the muddy parking lot. My eyes were wide, intensely trying to absorb all the lights and excitement before me. I can smell an array of food and hear applause for a performance taking place on a makeshift stage. Inside my head I'm listing off the different sweets I'll eat, salivating like a starved hound. Before we can enter my parents hand me a $20 note. That's all I have to spend. Spurred on by my excited siblings, we take our money and rush headlong into the excitement. Novelty-sized rides, workshops for making kites, popcorn, music. I feel my skin itch with a want to try everything. Walk around...
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leowriter
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« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2019, 04:24:35 PM »

Eloise, great work.
Would love to see less telling, more showing.  Eg: My eyes were wide... how wide? wide as two planets? felt the itch because of how wide they were? your eyes were two white coins?
Just an idea...
Cheers!
L
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John M
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« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2019, 08:45:47 PM »

salivating like a starved hound - very nice very nice
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Eloisenm
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« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2019, 10:26:39 PM »

Thanks leowriter! I really appreciate the feedback. I could definitely spice it up!

and thanks John M.
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