Object Writing, Prose & Poetry Forum

November 17, 2019, 08:30:49 AM
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This week's words;

Sunday - Instructions

Monday- Motorcycle

Tuesday- Wildflower

Wednesday- Asparagus

Thursday- Stopwatch

Friday - Confetti

Saturday-Homesick



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Author Topic: Leg  (Read 208 times)
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Schnozz
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Leg
« on: July 18, 2019, 05:12:04 PM »

Hey guys, I'm new to this technique ( and writing in general ).  I'm a musician and I usually only write instrumentals.  I'm trying to get into lyric writing and bought Pat's book.  So, here's one of my first attempts at object writing.  It starts slow (in my opinion) and is from the perspective of someone at a bar watching an injured bartender happily serve the general public.  In that regard, this may or may not be autobiographical.  lol  
Let me know what you think, and please, be brutally honest!  Thanks!

   Is it his leg?  His knee?  His foot?  He is in pain.  Why would he smile?  Why should he?  Something is wrong.  How can he focus on me in this state?  He sighs as he turns.  A wince.  A flinch.  But yet, his smile remains unbroken.  How did this happen?  Is he an athlete?  No.  Canít be.  Did he fall?  Drop something?  His calm and happy expression makes me uneasy.  Pain isnít supposed to be happy.  So, why?  Is he human?  This is not the normal human response.  From my desk, I can cry.  From my car I can hide from the world.  From my phone, I am perfectly happy.  From inside, Iím dying.  The daily grind slowly tears at my will.  My happiness.  My ability to objectively exist with others.  Greener grass or not, I want to see it.  I want to roll around and feel itís cool blades tickle my back, my arms, my LEGS!  But, how can his grass be greener?  He is in pain.  And shows me that my troubles are not the only ones.  Theyíre not the worst ones.  Far from it.  My struggles, a mere inconvenience.  My reaction, cold and greedy.  Green.  Like the grass I seek.  Iíve walked many hills on these legs.  And found the same shade of dull olive and brown on the far side of the mountain.  No water touches these hills.  Perhaps Iím in the wrong mountain range...burnt and crisp, the straw snaps beneath my feet, cutting the soles and poking the arches.  But now, in the distance, I see the grass.  I smell the fresh cut scent as it floats among the clouds to my nostrils.  Iíve walked so far.  And now that I see the field in which I long to bask, my legs fail me.  I bend at the knees, fall to the ground.
« Last Edit: July 18, 2019, 05:24:07 PM by Schnozz » Logged
Higgs88
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« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2019, 07:31:43 PM »

Hey, welcome to the forum! You're off to a great start here.

Honestly I find it hard to critique object writing, since it's main goal is for the writer to find their own gems and dive deep into the senses. So to that end it's a very personal/"objective" thing.

That being said, I think steering clear of so much commentary/thought processes (e.g. all the questions you ask in the first few lines) and sticking as closely as you can to the senses (what does the desk feel like? smell like? what do the tears taste like? Is your back arched or straight and are you slowly turning in a swivel chair or sitting motionless at a soft-lit desk? etc...)  will yield richer results for this particular exercise. I felt like you started really warming up towards the end with lines like:

"burnt and crisp, the straw snaps beneath my feet, cutting the soles and poking the arches"  Good stuff.


I'm also a songwriter and have found this to be a great tool to get the creative blood flowing. Hope you find that true too.
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Schnozz
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« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2019, 09:15:40 PM »

Hey, welcome to the forum! You're off to a great start here.

Honestly I find it hard to critique object writing, since it's main goal is for the writer to find their own gems and dive deep into the senses. So to that end it's a very personal/"objective" thing.

That being said, I think steering clear of so much commentary/thought processes (e.g. all the questions you ask in the first few lines) and sticking as closely as you can to the senses (what does the desk feel like? smell like? what do the tears taste like? Is your back arched or straight and are you slowly turning in a swivel chair or sitting motionless at a soft-lit desk? etc...)  will yield richer results for this particular exercise. I felt like you started really warming up towards the end with lines like:

"burnt and crisp, the straw snaps beneath my feet, cutting the soles and poking the arches"  Good stuff.


I'm also a songwriter and have found this to be a great tool to get the creative blood flowing. Hope you find that true too.

Thanks!  Yeah, I felt like it was forced to start but did "warm up" a bit towards the end.  Should I try to warm up and THEN start my timer?  Or, just, it is what it is kind of thing?

I really appreciate the feedback!
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Higgs88
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« Reply #3 on: July 19, 2019, 05:34:26 PM »

Should I try to warm up and THEN start my timer?  Or, just, it is what it is kind of thing?

Totally up to you. Personally I see object writing as a nice warmup, a means to an end (great lyrics) with the addd benefit of sometimes you write something that you're really proud of.
« Last Edit: July 19, 2019, 05:37:24 PM by Higgs88 » Logged
AvailableBeat
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« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2019, 05:00:21 AM »

Should I try to warm up and THEN start my timer?  Or, just, it is what it is kind of thing?

Whateverís easiest on you.
Set the timer for 10 minutes and 10 seconds and start from complete scratch. Donít even think about what you might say before telling Siri to start the timer. If you get only 2 sentences, thatís 2 good sentences of warmups. Once youíre in the habit, youíre in the habit, and the brain just hops to it.
Thatís easiest for me, at least.
Whateverís easiest on you.  Grin
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