Author Topic: Clipping  (Read 105 times)

ianoregan

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Clipping
« on: January 01, 2020, 12:50:16 PM »
Hi - I'm new to this forum, and to object writing. (This is my attempt at becoming a decent lyric writer.) I'd appreciate any critiques.

There was a comforting rhythm to the sound of the scissors behind one ear, then the other, as he allowed his mind to drift aimlessly... Anything to avoid engaging with the inane twittering of the hopefully competent barber. Premier league, was it, or cricket? He couldn't tell, was never interested in sport, never being quite able to separate the images on telly from the still present memories of shivering on the wing, weekend after wet, windy, freezing weekend, waiting for one of the big guys to release the ball so that he could show off the reason he had been press-ganged into this ridiculous position in the first place - his speed! But the ball never came, or at least never when he was in the right place to use it. Always when he had had to step into the centre, out of position, off balance, simultaneously thrilled for the feel of the leather between his hands, and at the same time shrinking, tensing every muscle against the inevitable crunching tackle that would always hit exactly as the ball arrived. So he is content now to pretend to be hungover, eyes closed, counting away the seconds to the rhythm of the scissors, trying to ignore the soft rising of the same tingling tense anticipation of the barber slipping, waiting for the sharp point to pinch or to cut the back of his neck. Another couple of minutes, and the blessed sound of the final whistle, the warm wake-up of the "how does that look, sir?" from behind his head to stir him from his self imposed reverie, ready to hit the showers, and get on with anything but bloody sport!

KAEDE

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Re: Clipping
« Reply #1 on: January 01, 2020, 06:00:49 PM »
Hi

I'm new as well to object writing as well. One of my New Year's resolution to become a better songwriter and musician. I'm sure with consistency and perseverance you will accomplish your goals. Good luck!

I like that you immediately started with a sense of "the sound of scissors behind one ear" and I figured someone was getting a haircut. The internal dialogue was interesting about the game going on and gave good senses as well, "shivering on the wing.." and the organic sense of "shrinking, tensing every muscle.."

btheoret

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Re: Clipping
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2020, 03:05:54 AM »
You instantly drew me in with that first line.  Good stuff.  Can't wait to read more of your writing!

ianoregan

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Re: Clipping
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2020, 06:04:35 AM »
Thank you for taking the time to comment guys, greatly appreciated!

 

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