Author Topic: Procedurev  (Read 70 times)

Jordan

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 1
    • View Profile
Procedurev
« on: January 02, 2020, 01:37:15 PM »
My name  is Jordan, and I’m a singer/songwriter from Missouri. I want to improve my songwriting skills, so here I am! Let me know what you think  :)

Procedurev... Is that what he called it? I let the word mumble across my lips, which felt heavy now, just like my eyes that were slowly shutting like the blinds on a window, leaving only little slits from which I could peer out to see what was going on outside of them.
I wanted to tell the white coat doctor how he had pronounced the word “procedure” incorrectly, and that I no longer felt comfortable to continue the operation under his leadership. But what I wanted even more was to sleep. The sound of the wheels underneath my bed rolling down the fluorescent lit hallway seemed musical all at once, like something I’d like to hear at a spa. The taste of bad medicine in my mouth rolled away, but i still wanted a drink. Even through the numbness of my tongue, my mouth felt warm and dry. I feel terrible. I should just go to sleep. Like a hangover, that’s the best way to get through this. Just go back to sleep. Bang! Doors swing open as they push my bed into a small room. “The procedure was a success sir,” Said the young doctor.

KAEDE

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 7
    • View Profile
Re: Procedurev
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2020, 02:33:00 PM »
Hi Jordan  ;D

I'm a singer/songwriter from Texas as well. Looking to improve my skills as well as put a single/EP out this year. I hope the best 2020 for you.


You had me really worried about this guy coming from an operation LOL. Great writing by the way. Maybe some kinesthetic or organic sense would have pushed your writing a bit further of showing us. The "blurred vision" of just coming out of an operation or muscle tension that makes you just want to go back to bed when everything hurts. Other than that keep up the good work! I can't wait to see how you progress in your writing

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk